The Onion
Day 28 after signup
Invest Early In Late-Stage Capitalism.
Our records indicate you have read, enjoyed, and/or been inspired by The Onion’s unrivaled coverage for many years.
Why it works
- Frame a new offer around a recognizable brand perspective so the pitch feels consistent with the publication’s voice.
- Explain the membership benefits plainly, then use a brief satirical payoff to make the invitation memorable.
How it is built
- Editorial-style opening
- Reader context
- Membership announcement
- Offer details
- Satirical closing
- Join call to action
Email copy
View this email in your browser News Blasts Incoming! Behold The Information! Greetings, reader of The Onion, Our records indicate you have read, enjoyed, and/or been inspired by The Onion’s unrivaled coverage for many years. However, our records also indicate you have been consistently unhappy about reading The Onion online for free. We understand this to be a problem, and we have found a solution. Introducing America’s Finest Membership The Onion is now offering the chance to become a paid subscriber. While TheOnion.com will continue to be free accessible to all readers, we are now offering the chance to become a paid subscriber, promising plutocrat levels of satisfaction at office drone prices. Sending us money will grant you access to 12 print issues of The Onion newspaper, delivered monthly to your door. This is physical evidence of your commitment to paying for something that is also free. You can’t find a purer example of capitalism than that. Join today. Signed, The Onion Editorial Board membership@theonion.com Shop at The Onion Store America’s Finest Membership Copyright (C) 2026. All rights reserved. Global Tetrahedron LLC dba The Onion · 2045 W Grand Ave Ste B PMB 479693 · Chicago, Illinois 60612-1577 · USA You are receiving this email because you opted in via our website. Not interested in hearing from us? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe