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Nation Horrified To Think Sexual Assault Could Happen On College Campus
MORE | Man Confident He Would’ve Been Brave Enough To Send Thumbs Down Emoji In Cornell Group Chat
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View this email in your browser Wednesday, September 30, 2026 NEWS Nation Horrified To Think Sexual Assault Could Happen On College Campus AMERICAN VOICES Toys ‘R’ Us To Open 120 Stores To Appeal To Adult Collectors LOCAL Man Confident He Would’ve Been Brave Enough To Send Thumbs Down Emoji In Cornell Group Chat JOIN AMERICA’S FINEST MEMBERSHIP AMERICAN VOICES Trump To Rename AI ‘Super Intelligence’ On All U.S. Documents LOCAL Woman On First Date Feels Like She Could Spend Whole Life In Uncomfortable Silence With This Man LOCAL Teacher Frustrated No One In Beginner Yoga Class Can Focus Chakras Into Energy Blast SHOP AT THE ONION STORE LOCAL 40-Year-Old Has Spiky Hair LOCAL ‘Just Take It Slow, And You’ll Be Fine,’ Drunk Driver Assures Self While Speeding Away In Stolen Police Car NEWS Toddler Scientists Finally Determine Number Of Peas That Fit Into Ear Canal INFOWARS The Tim Heidecker Podcast (Teaser) Survival requires three things: a carbon steel knife, a megadose of InfoWars bison-infused muscle gummies, and, most of all, nonstop vigilance. Get regular updates on the Deep State's relentless efforts to desecrate America by signing up for the InfoWars newsletter. SIGN UP FOR THE INFOWARS NEWSLETTER JOIN AMERICA’S FINEST MEMBERSHIP Copyright (C) 2026. All rights reserved. Global Tetrahedron LLC dba The Onion · 2045 W Grand Ave Ste B PMB 479693 · Chicago, Illinois 60612-1577 · USA You are receiving this email because you opted in via our website. Not interested in hearing from us? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe