The Onion
Day 13 after signup
Cornell Tries Going By Different Name
MORE | Biggest Supreme Court Cases This Term
Why it works
- Lead with a distinctive headline, then keep the issue moving through short, varied stories that are easy to scan.
- Place secondary calls to action between editorial sections so the newsletter’s content remains the main focus.
How it is built
- Date and header
- Satirical headline roundup
- Membership and game prompts
- Video newsletter promotion
- Footer and preferences
Email copy
View this email in your browser Thursday, October 8, 2026 NEWS Cornell Tries Going By Different Name NEWS Starbucks Announces New Teen-Free Hours For Nervous Adults Who Just Want To Redeem Birthday Reward COMMENTARY All Right, All Right, You Guys Have Won Me Over By Osama bin Laden JOIN AMERICA’S FINEST MEMBERSHIP LOCAL Conversation About Non-Monogamy Chock-Full Of Animal Facts NEWS Christa Pike Sentenced To Lifetime Execution POLITICS Biggest Supreme Court Cases This Term PLAY NOW NEWS Bird Owner Assures Guests He Sometimes Lets Parakeet Out Of Cage To Fly Around House In Frantic Search For Freedom LOCAL Elderly Man Looks Even Sadder When Smiling NEWS FDA Warns Tying Penis Into Knot Only Prevents 73% Of Pregnancies WATCH TONIGHT: 8ET | 7CT | 6MT | 5PT They’re watching some amazing short videos over at InfoWars HQ right now. And guess what? You get to watch those videos too. Sign up for the weekly InfoWars newsletter and watch InfoWars HQ tonight. SIGN UP FOR THE INFOWARS NEWSLETTER JOIN AMERICA’S FINEST MEMBERSHIP Copyright (C) 2026. All rights reserved. Global Tetrahedron LLC dba The Onion · 2045 W Grand Ave Ste B PMB 479693 · Chicago, Illinois 60612-1577 · USA You are receiving this email because you opted in via our website. Not interested in hearing from us? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe