The Onion
Day 21 after signup
News. Commodified.
News Flash: You Can Finally Give The Onion Money.
Why it works
- Use the brand’s established voice to make a new paid offer feel distinctive rather than presenting it as a standard sales pitch.
- Explain the offer and its potential benefits briefly, then give readers one clear path to learn more.
- A humorous aside can reinforce the tone while keeping the core membership details easy to find.
How it is built
- Irreverent headline
- Reader greeting
- Satirical origin story
- Membership announcement
- Benefits explanation
- Membership call to action
- Editorial sign-off
Email copy
View this email in your browser Bathe In The Incredibleness Of The Deal Before You! Welcome To Now. Greetings, reader of The Onion, Since its founding in 1756, The Onion has given away its award-winning reportage for free, a decision that has forced our news organization to scrape by on multimillion-dollar ad buys, record-setting government subsidies, and routine manipulation of the stock market. But now, for the first time, there is a direct path between The Onion and your money. Introducing America’s Finest Membership The Onion now has a paid subscription option for those who wish to funnel their wealth into the creation of unmatched journalism. Join now and experience benefits* so life-changing, you’ll wonder why no one commodified the news before. *Benefits might include: The Onion’s monthly print edition delivered to your door, access to special members-only deals, and the peace of mind that comes with accepting that all good things in this world should be monetized. Signed, The Onion Editorial Board membership@theonion.com Shop at The Onion Store America’s Finest Membership Copyright (C) 2026. All rights reserved. Global Tetrahedron LLC dba The Onion · 2045 W Grand Ave Ste B PMB 479693 · Chicago, Illinois 60612-1577 · USA You are receiving this email because you opted in via our website. Not interested in hearing from us? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe